Now I had what you call “tunnel vision” as I approached the table my blonde friend was sitting at. But I was focused on the where I was going to sit and not who was sitting at the table. It was as if my inner shy guy and my “Icebreaker” mentality were fighting each other. But I pulled it all together at the last second. I grabbed a chair, sat down, looked up and began to speak to the blonde….whom I had never met before and was NOT the woman I was thinking I was going to meet.
It would have been easy to “choke” or kindly apologize and move on, but I had spent a lot of time to get here and, honestly, if I backed out I would have had yet another story to be ridiculed about at Happy Hour. So I made a fast decision and jumped in, and introduced myself, and immediately used the “Cougar hunting” story as my introduction and cover. I said that my friend and I had been attempting to politely avoid the lady, who had turned stalker, and thought that if we sat with her, we could avoid a scene. She was ok with it and the Dude, finally breaking away from lioness of the Serengeti, fell in step like we had planned it that way all along. A friend of hers joined the group and we began a lively conversation.
This conversation turned quickly into a make shift competition between the Dude and I, as he was clearly muscling in on my blonde friend. He had mentioned he owned a 38 foot boat and regularly Captain’s his friend’s 80-foot yatch. He talked about his 2010 Camaro SS and then dropped the bomb, about his house in the islands. See I have a house, not on an island and I drive a wagon! Now he wasn’t being egotistical, nor was he bragging, he just has a way to say all of these things without sounding like a dick. He has Game. I decided I needed to hold a “court” and gave the “regroup” sign. We both excused ourselves for the purpose of hydration….
Now for the dilemma… He was clearly cock-blocking me but when court is in session all sides are heard. The Dude felt I had improperly “called the ball”, thereby making our new blonde friend, fair game. He added that I spent more time talking with her friend, rather than her, and thought I had changed targets mid-game. He wasn’t cock-blocking he was simply rolling with the situation. Hmm…he made a sound argument but as judge and jury, I found him guilty. What does that mean…he buys the next 3 drinks. We mingled our way back to our new friends but the “mojo” was gone. Our game play was off. I realized I had made the mistake. The game changed and I refused to roll with it. I had become the wingman, and I failed the team. Although shortly thereafter we instituted “Dude Rules” to even the playing field. No more Camaro, boat, yacht, or island talk without authorization.
Fast forward now to Halloween 2011, we were at Rod’s Café, a favorite local hang out, and it happened to be the night of their costume party. Lots of people dressed up, which poses a problem. I mean what do they really look like…is the Goth Girl dressed up or is that her everyday appearance?? Who knows!! What I can tell you is that there was a Cat-woman at the party. Her costume was made of skin tight black leather, or something tight…and…black…and yes, she had blonde hair. No need to explain further, right?? Anyway prior to seeing Cat-woman, grab a drink and sit and that’s when I she walked toward me.
Now I don’t really get intimidated by woman anymore, beautiful, tall, blonde or brunette, I can hold my own. She is walking quickly, and I know I have to act fast, or I’ll miss my opportunity, and a missed opportunity is someone else’s chance! But under the pressure all can muster is hello, which actually comes out like Hel—Loo! To my amazement, she stops, whirls around and places her hands, palm down, on our table. Her back is arched seductively, and her legs, wrapped in tight black leather, go all the way to the floor! Now I’m feeling pretty good, reeled this one in with 2 syllables, but before I can pat myself on the back, she looks right at the Dude, as if I’m not at the table and asks for help getting out of her costume. His response we already know, but here it is anyway “I’m qualified for that”, she says “now”, he says “right now?” “Yep”, and they disappear for about 15 minutes. I perform status updates and pout while I wait. Once they return, they both take a moment to introduce themselves to each other….Which at that point, why bother? but to each their own. This is where I begin my philosophical wrap-up of the two stories and what they mean, i.e. put on your boots!
What do these 2 stories have in common? I think they show a transition for me. From a self-conscious, slightly shy guy moving toward the man I once was, confident, witty, and ready to take on the world. The point I want to make with my blog is that I have been on my own for 5 months and I’m just starting to understand how different I was and how much closer I am to the man I want to be! These “exploits” are not about womanizing, which I haven’t done….yet…but about self-discovery.
John F. Kennedy once described Crisis this way “When written in Chinese the word "crisis" is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity” I feel like I have two places I could go. The initial Crisis was me on my own and I’m choosing to use these stories as a map of opportunities that life has in store for me. 2 characters, Me and the Icebreaker, both moving forward!!!