- I was recently set free by an amazing woman who gave me 3 beautiful children. At the ripe age of 37 years old I am currently learning about dating, in the 2011's. So much has changed and my old ways seems rusty at best, and to be honest, they were never all that good :-)But here I am, making my way.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Well, I’m not sure how to start this as I’m a new blogger. I seem to find that things in life get complicated on their own, so I’m going to try a simple, straight forward approach. If it gets complicated then I’ll deal with it then. My story begins after the break-up and follows me into my re-entry into the dating scene and throughout my continuing journey. So come and laugh with me as I point out the mistakes I made and funny things that occurred as I dove into the water of life!
Change comes at us in many forms and hits us in different ways. Mine came in the form of divorce, not one I wanted, but one that happened none the less. When the news finally sunk in, with all its depth, the break-up of my marriage, change in my family structure as children were involved, I found several different paths ahead of me, some looking forward, some backward, and some had a weird sideways approach. But I had choices to make and there was no shortage of advice. And it is this advice that brings us to my blog…Icebreaker. See prior to receiving some wisdom from a Russian friend, which I will talk about soon, I was provided this nugget: “The best way to get over a one (girl), is to get under one!
Now from an angry, single, heterosexual male point of view, this sounds pretty good! It’s a simple plan, easy to follow. I mean I’m a relative good looking guy, great personality, blue eyes that seem to work on the ladies. I’m jumping in head first with this advice!!
Now, first I should set the stage, and I’ll start with the negatives. It was the beginning of summer, I was semi homeless, and drove a station wagon. You know, not really screaming chick magnet!! And as I thought of “get under one” I started to get nervous…I mean it had been while since I had a 1st time with anyone. I tried to remember the things I did to land my ex-wife. They only rule I could remember was “SUAL” (pronounced S-aw-L) which stood for “Shut Up And Listen”. Easier said than done with me. Now for the good news a friend of mine owned a 38 foot boat, with TV, head with shower, hot water and micro-wave, which was docked at nice marina with a pool. Oh, did mention it had a refrigerator, only problem was it couldn’t hold any food, on account it had an endless supply of beer.
Having established a place to stay that wasn’t a tent, I began my journey to “get under one.” I had thought the tough part would be the initial approach, breaking the ice, so to speak with the woman I met. But I found out that, at that point in my life, I didn’t care if I did a C-n-B ( Crash and Burn). And I think my apparent confidence Ice-breaking ability helped me open doors that might have stayed closed. But this is also when I learned my first lesson. Ice-breaking is only half the battle. You need to be able to close. And folks, a closer I wasn’t! So I decided to concentrate on my ice-breaking in the hopes that once that was mastered, closing would just occur.
After a few outings my buddy started to call me the “Ice-breaker” as I could talk to any woman we saw. My confidence rose and, unfortunately, I got cocky! One day he and I are were sitting on the boat. I saw an attractive woman walking a Golden Retriever on the dock toward us. Feeling as if I had something to prove my buddy and to myself I struck up a conversation. Now while in my “old” life, my wife and I had a golden retriever as well and I felt that this shared knowledge would assist in breaking the ice with her. So I started the conversation with questions about her dog. While speaking to her I was on my knees, leaving over the stern of the boat, my butt up the air. I was feeling good, she was talking, and then I said these fatal words “We have a Golden as well.” Her interest changed immediately and in my mind I was thinking, crap, now she thinks I’m a married guy out cheating on his wife. But that was a very one sided way to think. AS the talk ended I turned to explain to my buddy where I went wrong. But I was surprised to see he was sitting elbows on the table, rubbing his forehead like he had a migraine headache….Again I was thinking he was being overly critical of my use of the word “we”. He finally looked up at me and with his look I realized what had actually happened. The woman lost interest because I said “We” and it was just me and my buddy on the boat. She thought we were a gay couple. I attempted to open my mouth to explain myself but my buddy cut me off. He knew I was thinking ex-wife, not male lover. He likes to tell this story when my Ice-breaking skills opened a door. Lesson learned, humility helps keep you grounded.
Once I was grounded I was able to open to listen to the simple wisdom of my Russian friend. He said, with his thick Russian accent, “You were not dumped, thrown out, nor replaced. You were set free.” Once I understood that I stopped trying to prove anything to anyone. I was over my first hurdle, I had self respect back.