About Me

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I was recently set free by an amazing woman who gave me 3 beautiful children. At the ripe age of 37 years old I am currently learning about dating, in the 2011's. So much has changed and my old ways seems rusty at best, and to be honest, they were never all that good :-)But here I am, making my way.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Blog #6 - Coin vs. Kind!

This particular blog has taken some time to write. I have stories and ideas but as I started to write them, well they just weren't funny. I felt like I was loosing my mojo and then the unthinkable happened. My ex-wife decided to give me some advice, because you know, she likes to look out for me. Now,  I know that sounds “cheeky” and “sarcastic” but coming from her, it is,  isn’t, I meant isn’t!! HA! In the grand scheme, she was my “muse” for this edition. I was thinking about writing on a topic that kind of parallelled her advice so I’ll see if can combine them into something interesting... But first things first, the advice:
Bartenders, by the nature of their job, are nice to everyone because...wait for it.... they work on TIPS.
So after the shock of the news flash passed, I decided that she had a theory, which would require testing. So over a cold beer I thought about how much she likes to “help” me, and about how much I like to prove her wrong. But its all in good fun, right? Anyway, I jumped right in, both feet and head first, no wait....well....here’s the story of Coin versus Kind.
I guess first I should say that I spend some time at the bars, No, seriously, I do! Its called research people!! I mean how else do I come up with this stuff, because you CAN’T make it up!!! The advice came from a misguided thought that I was barking up the wrong tree and my ex wanted me to know that I was probably being manipulated. That being a newly single man, I may have forgotten that women who work, and get tips are always nice to potential customers. But I beg to differ. As the Icebreaker I know a thing or two about mis-reading women! {Screen wobbles and eerie music plays as I remember a close call} The early summer was in full swing. I was in a daze, still confused about being single. I was in an strange emotional place where a total lack of caring was confused as an ability to talk to woman. So as I started talking to different people I came across a young lady, very pretty, smart, kind, and, I thought a bit flirty. So being a “guy,” naturally I thought that she was into me...hanging on my every word. I continued to talk with her. I flirted, innocently, she talked to me. Key word there, she talked to me. Now for a guy, who was wondering if he still “had it”, any positive reinforcement was immediately mis-read and translated into “How you doin?”by yours truly. I thought she wanted me, and in reality she wanted me to.....leave her alone and stop harassing her! HA!
Now it didn’t get that bad but she was about 3 weeks from her wedding and was just nice. Now why am I telling you this, because she was not unlike a bartender, talking to people because its what they do. So I took a lesson from my almost public humiliation and moved directly to bars, because woman I know can confuse me! From that life lesson I began looking for a “safe” place to relax, enjoy a beer, and practice my rusty skills....yes a bar!
The Dude says, start at the service bar. Which is new to me, because I say sit with your back to the door, you never know what might come in. Then almost by accident that gave us the opportunity to talk to the  bartenders. Now (read using a British accent) whilst observing the prey in its natural habitat, (back to American blog English) I realized 2 things. 1st they get hit on by every Tom, Dick, and Harry, and 2nd if they know you, your chances of getting drink quick go up fast! So now you know how the ex’s advice ties into my real topic, Get the bartender to know you!.
Everyone who sits down can “know” the bartender. Hell if the bar is busy, I listen to the people around me until I hear a name that works and then I start to shout it out. But how to settle the Coin vs. Kind debate. Well let me let you in a secret, bartenders are like nurses, they smile, they help make you feel better, but when its time to tell you to STFU, (Shut The Fuck Up) they don’t waste time. So rule 1, don’t be told to STFU!!  The next thing I learned was that before they remember you, they remember what you drink, case in point I was Kettle and Soda at one place, Jack and Ginger at another, Shock Top, and for a short stint I was Gin Martini extra dirty 3 olives (that had a bad ending but I blame Taco Bell not the martini....) Oh and at once place I was “Get out and don’t come back!” but that was really the midgets fault! Seriously it was but due to certain legal “ramifications” its best I keep that story in the vault...and don’t go getting MADD at me either, I always have a ride and in order to properly research this topic I needed to cover a vast area.
Whats my point? I order the same drink at the same place so that I get what they call “brand recognition.” It seems silly but if I walk in with a “friend” and I’m immediately given a drink, followed by “What will she have?” It makes you look a little taller for the rest of the evening. The bottom line is, bartenders have heard every pick-up line in the book so forget them, so unless your the current version of the Icebreaker, who can use corny pick-up lines like no buddy’s business, just be yourself. or a quieter version. The key is avoid rule #1, try not be called “Get out and don’t come back!” and you can go from knowing the bartender to the bartender knowing you. As far as the debate of Coin vs. Kind, who cares, have fun, ask her out and if she says No, you can thank my ex-wife, if she says Yes, you can thank me!
Icebreaker Out!

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