Blog #4 part 1: Call the ball = MEOW! Meaning…Presentation is key!

Actual Morning Picture I took!!

As far as blogging goes this is harder than I thought it would be. I mean I have plenty of material but I’m so far behind reality. I started writing around Halloween 2011 of the stuff that was occurring in June and July. So now I have to actually take notes after a week of Icebreaking fun! If it wasn’t for my god given gift to be hangover free, it would be insane!! That having been said, I want to jump forward to this Halloween and then utterly confuse my readers by combining the lessons learned with an early summer story. Let’s re-iterate a Facebook/Google Plus status update I made on the Halloween evening which was….. “UN-F-ing - REAL!” Dude…UnREAL! I mean folks, I did all the work and all he said, literally was “I’m qualified for that!” Seriously, it’s not even a good line, I mean it had “character” but as far as one-liners go…not his best.

Well to keep this story chronological let’s start back during about mid-summer, say July-ish, but I also want to set the stage for where I was in my life physically and emotionally. Now when my marriage first broke up I was fortunate enough to be able to stay on a rather nice boat, docked at a nice marina. As I may have previously stated, the boat had a never ending supply of beer. Now if you didn’t know, beer is required for any divorce. Now I am partial to various other forms and alcohol as well, but I feel that those should be addressed in future blogs…because they have a whole other set of stories…. Anyway the boat has/had TV, power, hot water, a head, shower, and the marina itself gave me access to a pool and club house. On some mornings I would awaken, emotionally numb to the world, then I would feel the gentle rocking of the boat from the currents, hear the birds chirping, fisherman telling stories, and look outside to see the sun shining bright, and my mood would change. I would climb out of my birth, in the “VIP” suite, and sit at the helm, acting like the mayor of the dock-o-minium. On these days I felt like life might just work out ok…and this is where this story begins.

The best part of this story is that it’s when I really started “coining” terms that we continue to use and expand upon. Now on this particular day I had finished working a midnight shift and headed to the boat for a nap. Now sleeping on a boat during a beautiful summer day is easy, I mean the air by the sea is just amazing! As I was lying in the VIP suite counting sheep, I received a text. The text said that a friend of a friend was going to be a local restaurant/bar, Sunset Ribs, that evening. I recall when I had met this woman that she was attractive, with blonde hair…need I say more? See I have always had a thing for blondes, never really works out for me, but we all have our crosses to bare!! I settled into a fitful nap, suddenly a bit nervous!

I was awoken by the sounds of my never ending supply of beer being drank, people talking and enjoying the start of the weekend. I emerge from the VIP suite and begin my rituals, acting like I own the boat, even though the boat owner is there. But my act is short lived as I begin to get my balls broke for the golden retriever story, yet again…Apparently everyone hadn’t heard it yet! But I take it in stride and get cleaned up. The happy hour crowd dwindles down and the Dude and I decide the boat was a good rally point but we need to move to a different location to hydrate in preparation for the evening’s festivities. We grab a bite and I explain about my need to visit “The Rib”, and see this woman.

The plan is set and we are off to the races! Stay tuned for part 2, where things start to get complicated!

Icebreaker Out!

Blog #3: “This!” And the Circle of Friends

Now prior to this juncture in the story of me, I have avoided most references to my spouse. It’s not that I’m erasing her from my life, which I can’t do for lots of reason, nor am I avoiding talking about the “Ex”. It’s that my story isn’t about her but rather about how I have dealt with the changes in my life. But this wouldn’t be an accurate portrait of my re-entry to dating without her involvement.  My belief is simple, once the marriage was over, I no longer felt the right to question her dating choices and I expected the same from her.

I have since learned that this was really not the case. That once you were with a particular woman she has “previous ownership” rights over you for an unreasonable time frame. I learned of this after I began dating a nice, attractive, woman with a great personality. We hit it off and never seemed to have a bad time together. It was clear though, that I wasn’t her usual type, although I was active, I don’t have six pack abs. But what I don’t have in appearance I make up for in personality. I know what you’re thinking; if he is saying personality he must be 4 foot 1, with leprosy and 6 toes, but you’d be wrong. I’m your average Joe with better than average sense of humor. I like to tell people that I don’t have a six pack of abs so that woman know I’m straight! The reason I came to know I’m her usual is the funny part. See I kissed her and I could tell she enjoyed it, hell we both did. Then she said “I can’t figure out why I’m so turned on by”…(motions with her hands, from her shoulders downward to my legs as she says)…”this!” LMFAO! That’s a confidence booster! I think it was more her tone and inflection, the subtle, surprised, verbal nuance used on the word “this”, that really made me step back. But let’s not dwell on that part of the story; let’s move onto the other side of this story.

Now after that story you may ask, what does ‘This’ have to do with your “circle of friends” or the term “previous ownership” , well lots and almost nothing to do with my Ex, I just thought I should mention her now and do some follow up’s in future blogs. Anyway as “This” and I moved forward I received a heated telephone call from a ghost of GF past, like way past, like 15 years ago. The content of the conversation was clear. ‘This” was friends and GF Past and I could not be in her…here we go….Circle of Friends...I was to stop the relationship with ‘This’ immediately. Now it was mildly annoyed, until….The Dude went on a date with a woman from about 50 miles away from our area. While on this date he ran into someone who was friends of a Ghost of GF past as well. Within 2 days he received a heated telephone call and guess what….Circle of Friends was the gist of his conversation as well.

So let’s recap and try to learn something important from these events as the unfolded around me and my friend. First off, previous ownership is an annoying catalyst for drama brought on my ghosts of GF’s past. But because ghost’s don’t exist we don’t care. So basically I told a story that was funny and useless all at the same time. Secondly, and most important, we found that Icebreaking isn’t about skill, or looks, it’s about capitalizing on most woman’s innate politeness. To modify the saying from the movie “Field of Dreams” - If you talk to them, they will listen…for a minute anyway. If you use that time wisely it could turn into something like “THIS!”

Icebreaker out!

Ice-breaker - The art of first contact for the 35+: Sometimes you have run before your can walk –

Ice-breaker - The art of first contact for the 35+: Sometimes you have run before your can walk –: I’m beginning to realize most of the things i n going on revolve around my confidence or the lack there of and my journey to find it. See a...

Sometimes you have to run before your can walk –

I’m beginning to realize most of the things in going on revolve around my confidence or the lack there of and my journey to find it. See at one point in the not to far past I had this idea that I was 6 foot 2, built of twisted steel and sex appeal. Now as I move through this ordeal I feel like I’m 5 foot 7 and little overweight! Also I’m a glass half full kind of person but lately life seems to half empty.

Have you ever had a weekend where so much happened, that you did so many things, that by the time Sunday comes around, you feel like you partied like a rock star, and you’re not sure you were supposed to? This is where I’m starting this portion of the blog 2 in my on-going saga of single life. If anyone wants to know where it ends, just read about the “gay couple” in my first blog post. Out of order but I’m not sure anyone would have believed me if I had started chronologically.

 Let’s start with the “woe-is-me” attitude I had. It’s Thursday night and I’m thinking of the upcoming weekend. My kids are away with their mom. It’s the first vacation they have taken without me. My 14 year old Labrador is having so many medical problems that the vet and I have found the only solution is to have her euthanized, and the upcoming Saturday is the anniversary of day I wish I could forget! So just before bed on Thursday I recap the weekend ahead of me, 1^st thing Friday, kill my dog, Hate Saturday, Sunday…who cares!! Sounds fun doesn’t it? Well for a weekend like that I decided to call in reinforcement, it was time to hang with my friend, who can clearly see I’m close to a funk. I needed a break from reality and something to kick start my emotional rebuild! Enter “The Dude”.

The Dude says simply “remember sometimes you have to run before you can walk.” I give him a “Your Stupid” look, you know the one, one eyebrow up, one corner of the mouth turned down, screaming sarcasm…. and I try to remember the movie he must be referencing. He doesn’t explain, but after all he is the Dude and the Dude abides! (“The Big Lebowski”, 1998). So my weekend actually begins Thursday night. We hit a hit a few local pubs and suddenly Dude decides to contact The Professional, the Chaz Reinhold of the area. I’m still confused and I get the speech. “Hey man, we’re going to meet the professional tonight, its all good, just relax and go with it, he can be over the top, but it will be a blast.” Hmmm….famous last words I’m thinking. We pick up the professional and O.T.B. (Over The Bridge) we go, apparently there was “Black Light Party” at a local Lumber Yard (code word for strip club, shhh!). I have no idea what kind of party I’m headed to but the professional says its fun. Now the professional had some pull (no pun intended) at the Lumber Yard and I felt better having helped several nice 20 something girls earn extra cash for college. People helping people, always a pick me up J From there the professional and I decided Taco Bell was in order. So The Dude abided, but had a rule about NOT eating it in his $40k Camaro. Although apparently he didn’t like us using the trunk of his car as a coffee table either. I mean really, the scratches buffed out!! I was left in my front yard at 4 AM.

Not much to say about Friday morning other than it started way to early and was a big downer, so lets fast forward to about 11AM. I crack my first BLL (Bud Light Lime), don’t judge, I had to put down my 14 year old dog! The Dude and I head to the boat to see if we can empty the never ending supply of beer. As the evening approaches we decide to go Collar Poppin’. Oddly enough I feel tired and fall asleep at the rally point. I was promptly made fun of by my ODP’s wife. Not cool to have a 100 pound chick call you a light weight that stayed out past your bedtime. I didn’t recover; Dude dropped me off at home, and continued to the festivities. I made up for it on Saturday.

We started once again on the boat, and yes we tried to empty that fridge but to no avail! Now if you remember I hated this particular Saturday. Although it was filled with parades, fireworks, a car show, carnival, and street vendors serving food that tastes like heaven going and feel like hell going out! We take the boat to a local boat friendly pub. Once here I realize that I do not have 6 pack abs, nor a dragon tattoo, which set me apart. I found a bachelorette  party, I have a knack for those! I begin to Ice-break and low and behold contact is made. The Dude assists me,  and by that I mean, I tell these lovely woman that the 38 foot boat , moored up by the beach, is mine and he doesn’t correct me. Numbers are exchanged, The Dude, now the guy that Captains my boat, and I leave as we have evening plans to prepare for.

Once back at the dock we scrub and clean the boat, as we have to attractive ladies we are going to woo by watching the fireworks under the stars, on the boat. As the clock ticks on I start to think that we don’t have anything to offer the ladies that are joining us soon. Dude agrees but we don’t have time to recover, we decide beer and wine is plenty. As we decide this I look up the dock and see that the gods have had mercy on us. Approaching us are 6 woman, in their late 40’s to early 50’s, with a large try of freshly cooked fish, grilled vegetables, and a mango chutney sauce. As I’m the Ice-breaker, I break the ice. “I begin to tell them how lovely they are and ask why that many beautiful woman aren’t being chased by young men. They stop, curiosity and compliments have them temporarily stunned. The Dude swoops in with his own version of charm and we begin to ask about the meal they have. They offer us a large portion and they walk on to their boat, hoping we will let them know how the meal was once all the flavors melted together. No sooner do they walk away, our friends show up. We show them our wine, beer and the wonderful fresh grilled fish, vegetables, with the homemade mango chutney sauce. We never say we made it, but we might have implied we did. As we cast off and begin our journey to the bay we pass the woman on their boat. The marine radio jumps to life, “Hey how did you like my snapper?” one of them says. The Dude, sharp as ever replies “we’re not sure yet, but we can’t wait to eat yours!” We then retell the story to our friends. By nights end, I had overcome my hatred of that particular day, gone was the angry thought, replaced by memories of a bachelorette party, free snapper, 2 lovely ladies, and night time swim.

As the weekend wound down and Sunday finally came around I was tired. My liver hated me, my head hated me, but my emotional state…it was doing better. I felt like the roller coaster  that had been the previous 3 months was finally starting to climb up a hill instead of through another valley. The Dude and I sat on the boat, enjoying the “hair of the dog that bit us” in the hopes of recovering quicker. In the haze of the previous 3 days I saw a woman with a golden retriever….

And like I said once I was grounded I was open to listen to the simple wisdom of my Russian friend “You were not dumped, thrown out, nor replaced. You were set free.” On Thursday, Friday and Saturday I ran before I walked. On Sunday I realized, not that I needed to walk, but that in spite of everything that was going on, that I could walk, and could do it alone! The Dude abides and so does the Ice-breaker!

Ice-Breaker out!

The Awakening

Well, I’m not sure how to start this as I’m a new blogger. I seem to find that things in life get complicated on their own, so I’m going to try a simple, straight forward approach. If it gets complicated then I’ll deal with it then. My story begins after the break-up and follows me into my re-entry into the dating scene and throughout my continuing journey. So come and laugh with me as I point out the mistakes I made and funny things that occurred as I dove into the water of life!

Change comes at us in many forms and hits us in different ways. Mine came in the form of divorce, not one I wanted, but one that happened none the less.  When the news finally sunk in, with all its depth, the break-up of my marriage, change in my family structure as children were involved, I found several different paths ahead of me, some looking forward, some backward, and some had a weird sideways approach. But I had choices to make and there was no shortage of advice. And it is this advice that brings us to my blog…Icebreaker. See prior to receiving some wisdom from a Russian friend, which I will talk about soon, I was provided this nugget: “The best way to get over a one (girl), is to get under one!

Now from an angry, single, heterosexual male point of view, this sounds pretty good! It’s a simple plan, easy to follow. I mean I’m a relative good looking guy, great personality, blue eyes that seem to work on the ladies. I’m jumping in head first with this advice!!

Now, first I should set the stage, and I’ll start with the negatives. It was the beginning of summer, I was semi homeless, and drove a station wagon. You know, not really screaming chick magnet!! And as I thought of “get under one” I started to get nervous…I mean it had been while since I had a 1^st time with anyone. I tried to remember the things I did to land my ex-wife. They only rule I could remember was “SUAL” (pronounced S-aw-L) which stood for “Shut Up And Listen”. Easier said than done with me. Now for the good news a friend of mine owned a 38 foot boat, with TV, head with shower, hot water and micro-wave, which was docked at nice marina with a pool. Oh, did mention it had a refrigerator, only problem was it couldn’t hold any food, on account it had an endless supply of beer.

Having established a place to stay that wasn’t a tent, I began my journey to “get under one.” I had thought the tough part would be the initial approach, breaking the ice, so to speak with the woman I met. But I found out that, at that point in my life, I didn’t care if I did a C-n-B  ( Crash and Burn). And I think my apparent confidence Ice-breaking ability helped me open doors that might have stayed closed. But this is also when I learned my first lesson. Ice-breaking is only half the battle. You need to be able to close. And folks, a closer I wasn’t! So I decided to concentrate on my ice-breaking in the hopes that once that was mastered, closing would just occur.

After a few outings my buddy started to call me the “Ice-breaker” as I could talk to any woman we saw. My confidence rose and, unfortunately, I got cocky! One day he and I are were sitting on the boat. I saw an attractive woman walking a Golden Retriever on the dock toward us. Feeling as if I had something to prove my buddy and to myself I struck up a conversation. Now while in my “old” life, my wife and I had a golden retriever as well and I felt that this shared knowledge would assist in breaking the ice with her. So I started the conversation with questions about her dog. While speaking to her I was on my knees, leaving over the stern of the boat, my butt up the air. I was feeling good, she was talking, and then I said these fatal words “We have a Golden as well.” Her interest changed immediately and in my mind I was thinking, crap, now she thinks I’m a married guy out cheating on his wife. But that was a very one sided way to think. AS the talk ended I turned to explain to my buddy where I went wrong. But I was surprised to see he was sitting elbows on the table, rubbing his forehead like he had a migraine headache….Again I was thinking he was being overly critical of my use of the word “we”. He finally looked up at me and with his look I realized what had actually happened. The woman lost interest because I said “We” and it was just me and my buddy on the boat. She thought we were a gay couple. I attempted to open my mouth to explain myself but my buddy cut me off. He knew I was thinking ex-wife, not male lover. He likes to tell this story when my Ice-breaking skills opened a door.  Lesson learned, humility helps keep you grounded.

Once I was grounded I was able to open to listen to the simple wisdom of my Russian friend. He said, with his thick Russian accent, “You were not dumped, thrown out, nor replaced. You were set free.” Once I understood that I stopped trying to prove anything to anyone. I was over my first hurdle, I had self respect back.

Ice-Breaker out